What Is Unique and Exciting About
Bahá’í Relationships and Marriages?

The Bahá’í Faith, founded by Bahá’u’lláh in the mid-1800's is the most recent of the world's great religions (www.bahai.org). Its scripture and guidance address marriage as a vital component of a healthy and unified global society:

Bahá'u'lláh says: "And when He [God] desired to manifest grace and beneficence to men, and to set the world in order, He revealed observances and created laws; among them He established the law of marriage, made it as a fortress for well-being and salvation.... He saith, great is His glory: “Enter into wedlock, O people, that ye may bring forth one who will make mention of Me amid My servants. This is My bidding unto you; hold fast to it as an assistance to yourselves.” (Bahá’í Prayers, US 2002, p. 118)

Components for a Successful Bahá’í Marriage

Marriage Preparation

“Careful preparation for marriage is an essential first step in the preservation of Bahá’í marriage.” (Bahá’í World Centre Research Department memorandum for Preserving Bahá’í Marriages compilation, item 3)

Friendship

“…[M]an and woman should truly be friends, and should be in sympathy with one another. Their understanding should have a basis in reality….” (‘Abdu’l-Bahá: quoted in Agnes Ghaznavi Sexuality, Relationships and Spiritual Growth, p. 121)

Courtship

“In the context of the society in which your family now lives, a society in which materialism, self-centeredness and failing marriages are all too common, your sons may well feel that it is wise to have a long period of courtship in which the prospective partners spend much time together and become thoroughly acquainted with each other’s character, background and family. … [I]n a relationship in which such a decision [to marry] has not been taken and in which the law of chastity is strictly observed, there is no objection, in principle, to a prolonged friendship in which the two individuals entertain the possibility of marrying each other at some time in the future.” (A letter from the Universal House of Justice to an individual believer: August 28, 1994, cited in Marriage Can Be Forever—Preparation Counts!, p. 141)

Know One Another’s Character “Bahá’í marriage is the commitment of the two parties one to the other, and their mutual attachment of mind and heart. Each must, however, exercise the utmost care to become thoroughly acquainted with the character of the other, that the binding covenant between them may be a tie that will endure forever.” (‘Abdu’l-Bahá: Selections from the Writings of ‘Abdu’l-Bahá, #86) For a list of qualities, see Relationships For more information on Character

Equality

“This principle [of the equality of the sexes] is far more than the enunciation of admirable ideals; it has profound implications in all aspects of human relations and must be an integral element of Bahá’í domestic and community life. The application of this principle gives rise to changes in habits and practices which have prevailed for many centuries.” (From a letter written on behalf of The Universal House of Justice to an individual believer: January 24, 1993)

“Bahá’í men have the opportunity to demonstrate to the world around them a new approach to the relationship between the sexes, where aggression and the use of force are eliminated and replaced by cooperation and consultation. The Universal House of Justice has pointed out in response to questions addressed to it that, in a marriage relationship, neither husband nor wife should ever unjustly dominate the other, and that there are times when the husband and the wife should defer to the wishes of the other, if agreement cannot be reached through consultation; each couple should determine exactly under what circumstances such deference is to take place.” (From a letter written on behalf of The Universal House of Justice to an individual believer: January 24, 1993)

Chastity and Sexual Intimacy

	“One speck of chastity is greater than a hundred thousand years of worship and a sea of knowledge.” (‘Abdu’l-Bahá, cited in a letter November 26, 2003, to the Bahá’ís of Iran from the Universal House of Justice)
	“…[T]he Bahá’í conception of sex is based on the belief that chastity should be strictly practiced by both sexes, not only because it is in itself highly commendable ethically, but also due to its being the only way to a happy and successful marital life. Sex relationships of any form, outside marriage, are not permissible therefore…” (On behalf of Shoghi Effendi to an individual believer: Lights of Guidance, #1157)
	“The Bahá’í teachings on sexual morality center on marriage and the family as the bedrock of the whole structure of human society and are designed to protect and strengthen that divine institution. Bahá’í law thus restricts permissible sexual intercourse to that between a man and the woman to whom he is married.” (Note #134 appended to The Kitáb-i-Aqdas)
	"The Bahá’í Faith recognizes the value of the sex impulse…. The proper use of the sex instinct is the natural right of every individual, and it is precisely for this purpose that the institution of marriage has been established." (Shoghi Effendi: Lights of Guidance, p. 344)

Interracial Harmony

"...Bahá’u’lláh hath said that the various races of humankind lend a composite harmony and beauty of color to the whole. Let all associate, therefore, in this great human garden even as flowers grow and blend together side by side without discord or disagreement between them." (‘Abdu’l-Bahá, The Promulgation of Universal Peace, p. 69)

"...[Y]our statement to the effect that the principle of oneness of mankind prevents any true Bahá’í from regarding race itself as a bar to union [in inter-racial marriage] is in complete accord with the Teachings of the Faith on this point. The Bahá’í Teachings, indeed, by their very nature transcend all limitations imposed by race…." (Shoghi Effendi to a National Spiritual Assembly, Lights of Guidance, #1288)

Note: Interfaith marriages are also permitted for Bahá’ís.

Couple Decision to Marry

“Although a Bahá’í may, if he chooses, seek his parents’ advice on the choice of a partner, and although Bahá’í parents may give such advice if asked, it is clear from the Teachings that parents do not have the right to interfere in their children’s actual choice of a prospective partner until approached for their consent to marry.” (Universal House of Justice to an individual believer: August 28, 1994, cited in Marriage Can Be Forever—Preparation Counts!, p. 141)

Request for Parental Consent and Parental Consent Process

“...[M]arriage is dependent upon the consent of both parties. Desiring to establish love, unity and harmony amidst Our servants, We have conditioned it, once the couple’s wish is known, upon the permission of their parents, lest enmity and rancor should arise amongst them.” (Bahá’u’lláh: Kitáb-i-Aqdas, p. 42)

“Bahá’í law places the responsibility for ascertaining knowledge of the character of those entering into the marriage contract on the two parties involved, and on the parents, who must give consent to the marriage.” (Universal House of Justice to a National Spiritual Assembly: Lights of Guidance, #1231)

For more information see Relationships and also Resources

Engagement

“…Bahá’u’lláh ordained that Bahá’í engagement should not exceed 95 days, and, although this law has not yet been applied universally, it highlights the desirability of marrying quickly once the decision to marry has been firmly taken and parental consent obtained.” (Universal House of Justice to an individual believer: August 28, 1994, cited in Marriage Can Be Forever—Preparation Counts!, p. 141)

Note: For up-to-date information on whether this law applies to you, please contact the closest Bahá’í institution.

Bahá’í Wedding Vow

“When the consent of the parents is obtained, the only other requirement for the ceremony is the recitation by both parties in the presence of two witnesses of the specifically revealed verse: ‘We will all, verily, abide by the Will of God.’ The following quotations from letters written …[on behalf of Shoghi Effendi] indicate the desirability of the Bahá’í marriage ceremony being simple:

1. ‘There is no ritual, according to the Aqdas [Kitáb-i-Aqdas], and …[Shoghi Effendi] is very anxious that none should be introduced at present and no general form accepted. He believes the ceremony should be as simple as possible...
2. The only compulsory part of a Bahá’í wedding is the pledge of marriage, the phrase to be spoken separately by the Bride and Bridegroom in turn, in the presence of Assembly witnesses.’” (On behalf of the Universal House of Justice: Lights of Guidance, #1294)

Clarification: The local Spiritual Assembly approves two trustworthy witnesses, often chosen by the couple, but the witnesses do not need to be Assembly members in most cases. Civil laws have varying requirements, so please check with your Spiritual Assembly for guidance.

Marriage

"The Lord, peerless is He, hath made woman and man to abide with each other in the closest companionship, and to be even as a single soul. They are two helpmates, two intimate friends, who should be concerned about the welfare of each other.

"If they live thus, they will pass through this world with perfect contentment, bliss, and peace of heart, and become the object of divine grace and favor in the Kingdom of heaven." (‘Abdu’l-Bahá: Selections from the Writings of ‘Abdu’l-Bahá, p. 122)

"When, therefore, the people of Bahá undertake to marry, the union must be a true relationship, a spiritual coming together as well as a physical one, so that throughout every phase of life, and in all the worlds of God, their union will endure; for this real oneness is a gleaming out of the love of God." (‘Abdu’l-Bahá: Selections from the Writings of ‘Abdu’l-Bahá, p. 117)

Contact Information for Sponsor

Susanne M. Alexander, President
Relationship & Marriage Coach; Character Development Specialist
Marriage Transformation LLC
Cleveland, Ohio, USA

Phone: (216) 255-9301 or (800) 501-6682 in the US and Canada

Susanne@marriagetransformation.com or staff@marriagetransformation.com

SKYPE: Marriage Transformation

Affiliated Websites:
www.marriagetransformation.com
www.bahaimarriage.net; www.bahaimarriages.net
www.bahairelationships.com
www.allinonemarriageprep.com
www.empoweredhealingbook.com
www.funnymarriage.com

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